Ok all you parents out there...
I need some input!
I married a man with three darling kids and was asked to parent them, love them, and take care of them..and I did, without blinking an eye!
But considering this was an overnight thing and not a learn as you go situation I did the best job I could and set rules that I thought were fair....
BUT
I have been told I am a "strict" parent
I know I am strict but I don't think I am THAT strict
I have rules just like any other household or parent does
and I don't think they are unreasonable or totally out there...
So let me break it down for you in the Davis household :
- NO internet if I am not home {hello I have preteens you can never be too careful right?}
- No soda unless it's a special occasion or we go out to eat, only one juice a day, unlimited water
- If you don't eat a meal then you don't get to snack in between the next ones {ex - if you ate too much crap in the afternoon and don't eat your dinner your not getting a snack or dessert or something else before bed...you should have thought about that earlier}
- video games are limited to an hour a day -HELLO go outside and play it's SUMMER!
- The boys rotate taking out the trash and once a week one of them unloads/loads the dishwasher
- Make your bed Mon-Thursday - let it go and have fun on the weekends {kinda a hypocritical thing since I NEVER make my bed but hey it sets up good habits right? RIGHT?}
Now you tell me does that sound unreasonable...
to me that isn't strict that is just rules and parenting
everyone has to have rules and guidelines right?
Well recently one of my boys said I was " too strict, and they just can't do ANYTHING"
I'll be honest... hearing those words did break my heart :( Knowing all that I do for them and all I try to do with them and for them - for them to think "they can't do anything" kinda hurt.
I am constantly taking them to friends, the pool, the snow cone shack, fairs, parks, camping, we go on bike rides, we have big sleep overs, pizza parties, you name it we probably do it over the summer!
I know kids just say things sometimes but as a parent it can still hurt - even if you know they don't mean it!
I guess this is the drama you have to deal with with having "preteens" whew this summer could be a little harder than the rest!
why is it that the one who sets the rules and takes care of the kids and house always ends up being the "bad guy"??
So now i turn to you...
what is considered STRICT to you?
are you a "strict" parent or "laid" back go with the flow type?
what type of rules do you have in your house and do your kids argue with you over them?
Where do you draw the line for the complaints over the rules?
HELP!
sincerly,
the "STRICT" mommy
Ok, I just LOVE your rules! I am 24, so I am not a Mom {yet}, but I work with tons and tons of kids all day and it really disturbs me how some kids are being raised. Some have cell phones at the age of 9 and 10, and even earlier!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, my field of study is childhood obesity, so I see a lot of children who eat WAY too much sugar and who spend less than 30 minutes a WEEK doing some sort of physical activity. How sad is that?!
So, I love your rules. And trust me, my Mom was the same way you are with your boys and I am SOOOO very grateful for it. :)
we have all those rules in our home too, except the bed-making one.....i may be a little strict but i'm also a little bit of a slob when it comes to bed making :) my oldest is only 5, so we actually do only 1/2 hour of video games, and not every day.
ReplyDeletei think "strict" depends on how you lay down the law....are you being loving or legalistic? my guess is loving, and in that case, your boys are probably just comparing themselves to their friends and the rules (or lack of rules) they have. i know i might seem strict compared to some people i know, but i also like how my kids are turning out compared to theirs ;)
I'm not a parent (I'm 22), but let me assure you, your rules are not strict! My mom's rules have always been very similar, and my siblings have all turned out ok. :-) My brothers always had to have all their chores finished or else they lost video game privileges.
ReplyDeleteI think that was a big part of our childhood...understanding that all those things are *privileges* to enjoy and not something we were entitled to. (Internet, video games, soda, etc....) so instead of being upset that we only got an hour of video games, it's a *privilege* that we get to do it at all, you know what I mean?
Just my two cents! :-)
My rules:
ReplyDeleteNo TV during the school week.
No Video games during the week.
No pop. (although gramma and grampa like to sneak white pops in once in awhile)
The bed gets made every morning
They have different chores depending on the day. Some days they help feed the baby calves, let the chickens out, clean rabbit cage, tidy the upstairs.
Yes, I am strict, I'm sure I'll hear all about it when they're teenagers. But I will be happy to know I've raised healthy, happy, helpful, respectful kids.
(the compliments you receive from teachers and other parents are little rewards)
So no, I do not think you are too strict. I think there are far too many people not strict enough ;)
I'm so not a parent yet, but I am the oldest of 8 kids. These sound exactly like the kinds of rules I grew up with and hey, I like to think I turned out pretty well and so did my siblings. It sounds to me like you're a fantastic mom. :)And the fact that you're asking for help and advice? It just shows how much you love your boys, at least in my humble-non-parent opinion.
ReplyDeleteI am the momma to 4 kiddos ages 16, 11, 3 and 1. Kids NEED rules and deep down they want rules. It lets them know that they matter as a part of the household (though they won't tell you so!)
ReplyDeleteI too am a "strict" mom and I'm okay with that. My responsibility isn't to raise everyone else's children but God gave me the responsibility of raising these 4 so I don't fall for the "but so & so mom's does"...well great for them! Every house is different from eachother so whatever works, make it work!
Lastly, I don't go for the talking back. State your opinion or feelings, fine. Try to give me a hard time about chores, give me your cell phone. Cell phones are their LIFELINE. I haven't had to take her phone once...
Have faith, they are only being kids who are trying you. They all do...
that doesnt sound too strict to me. i have a 18month old, so there arent exactly any rules yet. but i have also been told i am too conservative with his diet.
ReplyDelete-only watered down juice once a day (if any at all a day)
-no sugar
-only whole grains
I don't think you are "too strict" and I'm the mom of two beautiful girls that I didn't give birth to and 1 son that I raised alone until he turned 17. I was strict...sometimes too strict and that came from our childrens minister at church!! Talk about a sting to your ego!! My girls...I can love them and guide them BUT in the end, I'm the step parent and that's a hard thing to accept when you just know in your heart things should be different. However, might I suggest some compromises....makes every happy.
ReplyDeleteSoda = 1 hour of outside ACTIVITY
A new ACTIVE video game that it's use gets you 30 extra minutes of game time
the snacks...try different things with them and if they are eating good healthy snacks then you can relax a little about not cleaning their plates, you know get them involved and help them make good snack choices.
Give them extra chore choices to earn extra "treats" that they feel you aren't allowing. Once again..get them involved, find out what they think it is that they can't do and then agree on things they can do to earn that treat. Don't make it too easy but not impossible either.
Good Luck and go with your heart and listen to your gut!!!
Kids always know just what to say, don't they?! I'm a strict parent for sure. My boys are 8, 6, and 3 (plus baby on the way) and they probably think they don't get to do anything, either. Even though they do and have way more than I did as a kid! Your rules are definitely NOT too strict! You are setting up good habits for them for their future, whether they appreciate it now or not. Keep up the good work - and remember: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galations 6:9 Those boys turning into productive, loving adults will be your harvest!
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are too strict at all. My son, for as long as I can avoid it, is not even going to be allowed to play video games (which could eventually seen as hypocritical because his father wants to eventually finish going to school for video game design). Our internet is going to be password protected. And he and our other (eventual) children will have chores every day when they come home from school, and on the weekends, they won't be able to do anything without finishing their weekend chores first. It teaches responsibility. Cause and effect (you do this, then you get that). It's all part of being a good parent and raising your child to be a responsible adult. I think you are doing an amazing job.
ReplyDeleteLindsey
i have these same rules, and even more. children need structure and rules, whether they know it or not. without this, how would they ever figure out how to set priorities in school, at work, and with their own families. it is so much harder when their are two households, because they are experiencing two seperate sets of expectations.
ReplyDeletei explain to my kiddos why i set the rules, i sit and listen to their feedback, and then either make changes, or explain why i am sticking to my guns. i allow them to vent, but not to complain. you are doing such a good job from the sound of things...and eventually they will grow up and thank you. from my calculations, my kiddos will be ready to thank Mom in about 15 more years! :)
I am considered the strict one, but he's more laid back. It's a good balance. My miss 5 does have chores and responsibilities. She has already used the phrase its not fair and she can't do it by herself- and we gently explain how we are a team and all have to do our part.
ReplyDeleteI do have the rule of one per day of juice/pop and do have a rule about tv and electronics.
You seem fair in your rules.
Sounds good to me.
ReplyDeleteI may be a laid back parent compared to most here, but I am a stay at home mom, and it is my pleasure to take care of them and our home. I have taught them how to do house work and they help when called to do so. I feel that you have to extend trust to children, and you have to trust in your self as a parent that you have taught them right and wrong. I have two a boy and a girl, they will push and they will buck the rules but deep down they need them and know that I have their best interest at heart.
My step-daughter tells me I'm strict too. When Matt and I got together, she was drinking nothing but juice all day, could eat anything she wanted when she wanted, watched tv all day (and all night) and never picked up after herself.
ReplyDeleteOnce we got our own place, I changed the rules. She's only allowed to watch one movie a day, can only have 2 cups of juice a day, no tv at night, she has to clean up whatever she is playing with before she moves on to something else, she has to make her own bed and put up her own dishes, and she has to eat a certain amount of food on her before she can play. (She always tells us she can't eat because her stomach hurts to which I respond "If your stomach hurts you don't need to be playing anyways so you can sit here and wait til your stomach is better, eat and then get down and play).
I definitely don't think your rules are strict, especially with all the things you let them do. Most pre-teens just want to play video games and get on the internet all day, so they want to complain, but I am sure they are having a great time doing all of the other things you do.
I'm not looking forward to the day when my step-daughter is a pre-teen/teen. Waiting for the words "You aren't my mama".
So Im the mother of 5 children, 2 of my children are from previous marriage and visit their father 3 wkds a month.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is....Im the custodial parent and I have pretty much the same rules you do. Except I allow a little more video game time but it's not everyday so that's why, and it's usually only for my son and sometimes his friends.
I encourage them to play outside a lot and we eat dinner as a family every night at the same table. But, we also do fun theme nights like...Taco Tuesday, Breakfast for Dinner and Junk Food Friday.
My kids are 16, 12, 10,4, 1....so Ive seen & done it all almost at this point.
The boys probably think because they come and visit for the summer it should be FUN...all the time. For them that means no rules they have at home and def not chores (God Forbid).
So since they don't live with you maybe you can ease up the rules without compromising yourself and authority.
I understand....I feel like I have to compete with my ex because Im the one doing everything for them and then he gets to do fun stuff. They probably want to look at your house as the FUN house. So give them a little flexibility...they are BOYS and thats tough at their age too.
Good Luck Warden! lol just kidding.
MJ
Lucky 7 Design
I really think kids benefit from having some boundaries. My kids are 8, 6 and 4 and they are expected to do chores daily (small things mostly to help clean up the clutter they leave behind), they can't play with friends unless their rooms are cleaned. They can play until five, that's when we have dinner. We have an hour of family time then, most times they are welcome to play with friends again until eight (nine in the summer). If it's nice and they've been inside at school all day, they HAVE to play outside. Here in Utah nice days seem to be few and far between lately, so they get out when it's nice. My kids don't mind, they love to play outside but have a couple of friends that don't like my play outside rules they would rather be inside playing legos or video games. I know that it gets too hot, and you can get too much sun. I'm sure that there will be small times for that stuff to in the summer, but I plan on having rules for that as well.
ReplyDeleteMy boys haven't complained about my rules, they even like some of them (the chores probably not so much, but it makes my life easier) but I don't have to split my time with them. So my guidlines and rules are all they know. Stick to it. Your boys will be better off because of it. They'll be healthier and happier in the long run. Best of luck!
My kiddos are 9 and 12 and I'm a young mom (19 when I had my first). I'm considered by some to be a strict mom and although sometimes I feel guilty or bad, I have to continually remind myself that I'm being a good mom.
ReplyDeleteI read a book quite a few years ago that really opened my eyes - Scream Free Parenting. Not just for parents who yell, definitely worth checking out.
As parents, we struggle to make the right decision and feel guilty if enforcing the right decision isn't met with hugs and kisses.
You most certainly are not "too strict". In my opinion, as humble as it it, I'd say you have a great start to teaching your kiddos how to be responsible, integrity-filled, hard-working adults... and isn't that what all of job is?
I say ' Keep Up The Good Work '!
Funny, I recently wrote an article about this topic- lol!
http://stcharles.patch.com/blog_posts/parenting-is-a-nasty-business
Be strong - doing what is right is often not very popular :)
Those children will thank you in the future for cutting down the soda and juice intake. I was raised on that stuff and now can't quit.
ReplyDeleteAlso, i'd let the making the bed thing slide. It makes mornings harder.
But it seems like you're doing a great job. Don't worry about being too strict.
a week from thursday
Ok So I am a mommy of a 1 and a half yr old. Let me tell you rules make a difference from MINUTE ONE! She says please and thank you out of habbit...did she always, NO...did we make it a RULE that she say it everytime she gets something YES! As soon as she could listen to us talk we would say the words when giving her things...now she knows. (This is on a one yr old level, but rules are rules, and they make better people if used properly) Don not feel guilty about being Strict, I personally think your rules are very reasonable. As a mom you are showing them the most profound love by setting boundaries. They don't know it now but someday they will be well mannered, grounded men who will thank you for your boundaries. I grew up in a "strict" home and couldn't do "anything" too hahah WELL let me tell you, out of my friends with laid back parents, I seemed to turn out the most grounded and mannerly...KUDOS to my Parents NOT TO ME! It was because of their rules that I can be proud of the person I became and the morals I have. I also have self control when others dont...again thanks to rules growing up. Stick to what you believe girl, youre doing great! You will reap the benefits when they are full grown and realize the love in all you do. :o)
ReplyDeleteI'd like to think that I'm right in the middle - I have rules to follow but I also like to help my kids understand why and also have some say in the situation. I learned from one of the "love and logic books" to give my kids choices (but of course the choices are always ones I want as the answer) For example when the hour of video games is over I say, "The hour is over - do you want to be done now or in 10 minutes?" Obviously they will choose 10 minutes. I don't care if they play for 10 minutes extra - in the whole scheme of things 10 minutes more doesn't make a difference - but what it does is gives them a little control on the situation and a little ownership too. Another example is for the snack: in the afternoon when they ask for the snack I say" "Do you want the snack now or after dinner? You can have one - it's totally up to you when you have it?" Obviously kids are going to say things they don't mean when they are upset, etc. But I feel like if I give options to choose from, talk to them in love not annoyance, yelling, or frustration that I get a better response. I also make sure for as many rules I make and enforce that I'm saying I love you, I appreciate you, etc. And giving hugs that many times too. I grew up in a strict home and I appreciate that however I missed out on the loves and warmth and I have vowed to never leave that out for my kids.
ReplyDeleteI think those rules sounds totally reasonable!! Though, my hubby thinks I'll be too strict on our kid, so... I dunno, any kid will think any parent is too strict if they don't get something they want. I'm a big fan of your soda rule, and I just LOVE the bedmaking one!
ReplyDeleteI agree with most! They seem like great reasonable rules. I am not yet into that stage of parenting but I plan to have similar rules. I grew up with divorced parents at that age and going back and forth between rules was a bit challenging. My mom didn't have very many rules. Then going to my dad's my step mom enforced so much it seemed extreme Looking back I am glad they gave us some structure somewhere. As I got older I would "test" things on my mom to see if I could do it. I never got a no. For some reason I wanted her to fight it. I think in the end we all crave structure and it definitely comes with care and love. You are doing great and it sounds like those boys adore you. Coming from and knowing a lot of divorced families that's a tough thing for a while! I personally didn't really like my step mom for a long time (I got her when I was 8) Now at 23 I go to her first for everything :) Funny how things change and I think it has a lot to do with how she raised us.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are strict at all, you have rules and it has to be that way, you are the parent not them! I use the same rule about eating, if they don't eat their food there's nothing to eat until the next meal, and I don't have teens mine are 6 and under haha. Don't feel bad is for their good! Have a happy weekend!!!!
ReplyDeletewww.mrssassycrafter.com
I wouldn't say you are strict in the LEAST!! I like that there is wiggle room...I think it's great that they only get one juice a day, and soda only when going out. I feel like kids have such a sense of entitlement these days, so a few boundaries to keep them in reality is perfect :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and your preteen boys could have WAY more responsibilites than just make the bed and trash...even small things like vaccum, mirrors, unloading the dishwasher, etc. My 3 and 4 year old have a daily chore chart with rewards at the end of the week. You'd be amazed with what kids will do if there is some incentive involved...with my tiny ones, a basket of dollar store prizes to choose from is all it takes.
I am 24 a mom of 2 and i think you need to be a little strict or the kids will think they can get away with anything. You are not being strict at all you are just being a good parent. I have quite a few rules for my 4 year old because I look at my brother in law (14) and my two sister in laws (12) and they get away with EVERYTHING. It drives my husband and I crazy when we go down to see them. They have no responsibilities and talk back like crazy. They are so rude and when my son is around them he picks up on it all so when we get home we have to crack down on him to get him to stop.
ReplyDeleteLooking back my parents were strict on me. Back then I HATED it. But now looking back I am glad they were strict, it made me into a better person.
I would rather see parents being stict then not caring at all!!!
I don't think i will weigh in on if it is too strict or not. I haven't personally experienced the step-family relationship but would think that it is a big factor in it all. Would having your husband weigh in on it help? Perhaps you can all sit down together and come up with some guidelines you can all agree on. If your children felt like they were a part of making the rules that should help them keep the rules. If you and your husband are on the same page it will probably make a big difference. All I know is as a parent I would be forever greatful to know that someone is willing to give my children the love of a mother and it sounds like you are, you should be commeded for that and they will love you for it too, even when it doesnt seem like it ;)
ReplyDeleteLesley
we have all those rules as well,i think you are an excellent mom,kids will always think you are being to strict especially when they are pre teens and teenagers when they think they know everything:)
ReplyDeleteSounds normal to me! I think kids say that no matter HOW many rules (a lot or little)...they'll be fine lol
ReplyDeleteI will say this: preteens and teens are full of drama. It is a given. They are going to tell you that you are the worst one of all their friend's parents. They all do it. And yes it hurts when they say it to you. But take everything they say with a grain of salt. EVERYTHING they say. They will blow things way out of proportion. And yes I am a strict parent but trust me not the strictest by far...
ReplyDeleteI think your rules are very reasonable. I work with college kids and it would shock you how many don't know how to use a vacuum or wash a dish at the age of 20! Perhaps the next time one of your kiddos says something like that, ask him what it is he wants to do. And maybe the two of you can sit down and make a list of activities that are allowed and put it up on the fridge or a common area. That way when they say (what all kids everywhere say) that they are bored and have nothing to do, you can point to the long list and tell them to pick something. Honestly it's probably more about being lazy (not in a bad way- that's just how kids are sometimes) than anything else.
ReplyDeleteMy kids are only 4 and 2, so we're not exactly dealing with the same issues, but I'd say that you are absolutely NOT being too strict! I think you are doing the right thing, especially related to electronic stuff (internet, video games, etc). You are doing the harder thing, for sure. It would be so much easier to let them do whatever they want, whenever they want. But you are doing your part to raise healthy (good food rules, BTW!), responsible adults. And it sounds to me like you are right on the money. Even if you let them do "whatever" they want, they'd still find something to complain about...that's their job as preteens! ;)
ReplyDeleteHang in there! You're doing awesome...even if the boys don't tell you you are ;)
I am in the same situation (where as i married a man last year who had full custody of his two children from a pervious marriage) I am their mom. I do everything for them and love them unconditionally. My mom constantly is telling me that I am too strict. (ie no soda) I have all the same rules as you ... except its 30 minutes of video games a day, and only if their chores are done (clean room/make bed) they each have their own set of small chores to do around the house as well. i have a 6 year old daughter and a 9 year old son so i dont put too much on them. I don't think our rules are too strict. I think it gives them structure in their blown appart lives... their mother did abandon them after all and it has been a very hard emotional journey for them. Giving them a structured home has been the best thing for them according to their councilor. Does that mean that I don't feel bad when one of them starts crying because they don't get to play video games (because their room isnt clean and now there is no time before bed?)? Of course not, it's card to follow through with the rules you have set when your child is upset, but you have to remind yourself that those rules are helping them be a better person in life and will give them independence later on. (also they will come to respect things and people more). I think you are doing an AMAZING job! Keep doing what you are doing... I am also dreading the "preteen/teenage" years... they will be hard but it doesnt mean they love you any less! (just think back to when you were a teenager... and where you are at now) I fought with my mom alot back then and now she is my best friend... when you grow up you tend to understand why your parents put forth all those horrible rules and love them all the more for sticking to it!
ReplyDelete:)
Keep Calm & Carry On, Sista!
No, I do NOT think you are too strict. I actually think it sounds like we parent in common. My kids have a ticket system for wii/computer/DS. They get 7 a week and each is worth an hour. When the tickets are gone, they are gone. Period.
ReplyDeleteMy kids don't get TV until the evening, after all homework is completed and everyone's been showered.
My kids (9,7) have never had soda. If we have juice in the house, they get one cup a day. I use myjobchart.com, so they have daily chores they have to complete that include bed making, feeding the pets, sweeping the floor, taking out trash, etc.
I think that having responsibilities and restrictions as a child helped mold me into a productive adult. I think too many kids these days are growing up into lazy, entitled adults. I think its important!
I started out strict and have learned that some things I have to choose my battles. I now have tweens and getting then to do stuff is just plain frusterating. SO I have done a couple things.
ReplyDeleteYou can earn more computer game playing time with tickets ... {You want to vacumme for me? ok I'll give you a half hour ticket}
AND
I started using this site:
http://www.myjobchart.com
about a month ago, and it sorta feels like a miracle to see them come downstairs on their day to do it and just unload the dishwasher without even being asked. It is magic I tell you ;)
I do the soda/juice thing too.
But as for snacks, they don't finish and they want a snack, their snack is an apple or carrot sticks instead of let's say that ice pop his sister is getting... But not all day long (cause they will snack all day long) There are times that we sort of follow.
Okay so your not strict!!! I'm a stepmom to 3girls in full teen mode, and i have 2 young daughters, so the girl power takes over my house.
ReplyDeleteI tell my stepdaughters, and my daughters that i love them, but i'm here to make sure they become great and wonderfull people. So doing things around the house and helping with homework. learning how to clean cook it's all part of life. Dont worry they will love and appreciate you later for it.!!!!
Brittany, you are so funny. I don't think that you are strict at all. I think that you have some great ground rules for the kids.
ReplyDeleteMy motto for kids is this: at some point, they will dislike you. Or at least say they don't like something you do. But in my opinion, if they don't dislike something about your parenting you are doing something wrong. (I have a lot of reasons behind that belief, and if you would like I would be happy to explain them.:))
Our rules at our house are very similar to yours. The internet is a scary place. Kids CAN have too much sugar/soda. I don't let my kids snack or graze, they have certain times they can eat snacks and certain things that fit into that category. Both kids help with household chores, my oldest takes Laundry down stairs on a daily basis.
There is nothing wrong with starting healthy habits early. We have always had rules for our kids. I know I am a strict parent, and I'm okay with that. Because I do it out of love for my children. :) It sounds like you are doing the same.
I have the exact same rules set in place. I have two step-children and they are with us 100% of the time. Children need boundaries. It's healthy! I have been called strict many times and maybe I am but you know what, other adults actually like to be around my children! ;)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds to me like you're just a really great mom! :) I totally agree with all of those rules and don't think they're really that strict. Those boys are lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteI personally think the soda one is a little silly, I understand soda is bad for you but telling them they can't have unless it's a special occasion may cause rebellion in that area, nothing huge but when I was 14-17 I went through a rebellion stage because my parents had kind of silly rules like that. If they would have said no soda, I would have just gone behind their back and drank soda anyways. I dunno if they're as silly as I was but just something to consider :) everything else is reasonable I think! You sound like a fun mama :)
ReplyDeleteLovely Little Rants
KEEP IT UP!!! Kids never like boundaries, but they are exactly what they CRAVE!!
ReplyDeleteI was a 5th grade teacher until I starated staying home with my kids and I was the teacher NONE of the kids wanted. They all said I wasn't fun (before they were in my class) and I even had one kid come in the room the first day of school and said, "I really didn't want you." BUT they loved the structure, because they knew what was being asked of them and there weren't a whole bunch of surprise. They loved it when we got to do fun stuff because they EARNED it. And their parents thank me still for having a routine (because that's really what it is), because it helped their children at home and as they have grown. Keep it up.
As a parent of an almost 3 year old- I understand, because Go away mommy and You're a bad Mommy. hurts. But I tell myself, he needs me to have rules. They keep him safe, healthy, and will help him grow up to be a productive citizen. That's our role as parents. Raise our children to be BETTER than we are, not be their friends.
I hope you read each of these comments and take to heart that you are doing what you need to do. PARENT. Kids need lines to cross, because without them they don't know right from wrong. Teach them right. :)
Have a wonderful Holiday Weekend!
I think it is good to let the kiddos use some "ageny" so they don't feel like they are always being "micro-managed". I am a great "micromanager" (my husband says) and so I have learned to lay off the kids a bit and let them make more choices. Ex: You want a soda with your lunch? Ok, then you probably wont get dessert tonight or maybe a smaller amount. I try to explain to my kids (6,3,2) WHY those foods are not good for us or why playing too much wii is not healthy for us, so they can attempt to understand, lol. Also, you gotta be a good example to them so they can see that, which I'm sure you are!!!
ReplyDeleteI have a 4, 6 and 10 year old. They all do chores and get tickets for all that they do....laundry, dish washer, bed made, clean bedroom, poop scoop, etc. This way they can buy thier own treats, like the snow cone. It is visual too, I bought some clear containers at Wal-Mart and tickets like you get at the fair for a couple of dollars. Each container has thier picture on it. You are not strict!!!!! They will appreciate it later!!!!!!! :)
ReplyDeletejust found your blog via groop dealz and had to comment on this post. i am a mormon mom that has four children, under the age of 6. i just turned 27. my oldest son has reactive attachment disorder. he is VERY challenging and has been from day 1. he ruled the roost for a long time. we only found out about his disorder last july. he fought me on every rule, every expectation to the point of exhaustion. and i finally started giving a little. well, little did i know he has an addiction to controlling people (mostly me) and it was so bad for him. after we started getting him help last summer, i decided my children were no longer going to call the shots. i was the mom and i was going to take charge of my house and my children so i didn't end up exhausted at the end of every day and not even have the mental energy to parent and love them and play with them.
ReplyDeleteit has made a WORLD of difference in my life AND my kid's lives. even though at first, they fought it big time (they had been in charge for years... of course they were going to fight it), they love it and look for it everywhere. kids don't feel safe with parents they can manipulate and tell what to do. sure, kids need choices. but i also think our society has gone WAY TOO FAR in letting children have too much say in things. i like to think about what kinds of kids are around these days (disrespectful, disobedient, lazy, need to be entertained by ipods, movies, tv, video games, trouble makers) rather than how kids were 40 years ago (respectful, hard workers, entertained themselves). what was the difference in parenting? well, my parents were raised to do chores, to work hard, to play in the backyard and find things to do, to help around the house, to cook meals, etc. now a days, most kids aren't expected to do much at all.
that was a long comment. but i realized how out of control my family was and how out of control i was as a mom. my kids were watching 3 or more hours of tv per day because they exhausted me and were so demanding all of the time! now, we play games together, they LOVE to play outside, ride bikes, color, paint, imaginative play, reading books, puzzles, etc. now that's not to say that other things are bad. but my kids are learning to appreciate the small and simple things of life. and if they are disobedient or disrespectful, they don't get privileges much beyond reading books, doing puzzles, doing extra chores to help make up for their behavior.
hunny. you are not strict. you are structured and have high expectations. parents now a days would be wise to do the same! you go girl!
oh. and my kids have watched on movie in the past 11 months (except for our 2 trips to utah, which are 11 hours long, and even then, they watched like 2 movies), and they have watched maybe 3 tv shows each in the past 11 months. :) don't feel bad.
ReplyDeleteWow, unless you're actually limited to 1 glass of none-water liquid and 1 hour of computer time a DAY, I'd say the juice/viedo game rules are kinda harsh.
ReplyDeleteI get the soda thing.. but there are plenty of other nutrition-based drinks out there.. and besides, no one person wants to drink all water all day every day. helllooo, bland!
And as far as 1 hour of video games a day.. technology is different than when we were kids. Yes, kids do need fresh air. But let's be honest, boys love them some video games. 3 boys and they REALLY only get 1 hour a day?? Heck, it takes my kids an hour just to fight over which game their gonna play, who's gonna hold what remote and who's going first.
And us, as mommy's, you know most of us spend well over 1 hour a day on the computer. How much outside time do you take in every day?
When I parent, I 'try' to lead by example.. and of course, rules are made to be broken! haha!!
Happy 3-day weekend!!
You just need to do what you feel is the best. I am the mom of 12 and 13 year old girls. Although we live in a 5500 sf house, we clean our house as a life's lesson. Many of the locals will not know how to clean a bathroom when older. I started a "no TV" during the school week (M-Thurs nights), and their grades improved & they became great readers. I have steady rules, but what makes is acceptable... is ... that I clean along side them, and I am not watching TV all day (they know this). But when you have the rules, you can do the fun things, like 'hey, when if we finish up the housework in good time, we can go get an ice cream." So although I am strict in many ways, I am considered the "cool, lenient" mom. I hold steady on things I consider important (politeness, good person, try hard in school), and I give tons of rewards in the manner of fun. I take them to fun places like roller-blading, ice skating, etc, and I do it with them. Although other Moms have different views on raising kids, I remind my girls that every Mom does what she thinks is best for her kids with a good heart, so we respect all forms of household rules. Hope this helps. Stick to your guns but don't forget to join in on the chores, and then have fun with them during reward time.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a parent. All of my friends are and a few have blended families (yours). I grew up in a strict household so I think your rules are just fine. Remember the kids are "pre-teen" age and it sounds like there attitude is the norm and usual to be expected. Also, you love them and want the best for them hence, the rules. I think you are helping mold them into wonderful, responsible, and good adults! Just remember its an "age" thing...they'll thank you when they are older and especially when they are having "their own" kids... Hope it gets better.
ReplyDeleteTOTALLY with you on all of these except the making bed thing, but I should totally enforce that, but yeah, I don't make my bed. Stand firm on the no internet when you aren't home. Too much out there. We are not a soda household, but yes, special occasions. For sure not food if they don't eat dinner. Except maybe a fruit because I feel bad. I agree on limiting electronics, too. They need to be controlled! I may allow 2 hours on long summer days when I am feeling desperate.
ReplyDeleteMy kids have a few more jobs, but I think they have it easy! They each have 1 kitchen job daily sweep, empty dish, clean family room. Rooms we tackle on weekends, I wish I were better at that on weekdays.
It can be painful to hear you are strict, but they always say (which I don't like) "if your kids say they don't like you, you must be doing something right." They need boundaries;)
You are a great Mom, they just don't know it yet, but they will when they get older. Kids need structure, and rules are part of the structure you are giving them. I have never let what my kids have said similar to yours bother me, it is my job to "rule" them while their brains are developing (even though they think they know it all). The best compliment my youngest daughter gave me (who is now 19) was that all of her friends were afraid of me...well that was just fine with me! I was strict and had rules, and evidently they didn't and it scared them. Keep your chin up, you are on the right track.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I just found your blog cuz I was looking at older posts from Kristen Duke Photography...OMG, if you aren't the cutest thing ever!! Okay, I have a two year-old so our "rules" are definitely going to be slightly different....In my honest opinion, from one mom to another, I think you are pretty good with the rules...my bff has a 15 year, and when he was about 12 or so, he couldn't play video games during the school week, so I understand it's summer and I think an hour is good. If the weather is great, go outside and play, definitely!! Hey you don't eat your main meals cuz you were snacking, darn right no dessert or whatever! I think you are on the right track and kids will say things that will hurt your feelings cuz the filter button is not fullly developed yet! Just hang in there love!! I also love the fact that you are in an inter-racial relationship!! YOU GO GIRL!! I will definitely be stalking your blog from now on...
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