Sometimes I want to open up....tell you all something, get your opinion, just be ME
but for some reason I have a hard time opening up and being personal and raw and vulnerable.
So today friends, I am stepping out of the comfort zone, I am opening up, I am being raw and truthful and hoping I won't get hurt or judged or laughed at too much!
So here it goes....
I have fears...but I also have wants!
I would LOVE to have a baby
I would LOVE to have a baby
I would LOVE a baby of my own - something that is a part of me - my little creation!
{or if for some reason we have problems and can't get prego I am very PRO adoption - just FYI for ya}
Sounds simple enough right?
BUT
there are a LOT of things that go along with that, that mess with my head....
For example,
I tell myself we have to wait until we have :
insurance
a house
a bigger car
more money in savings
etc etc etc
then there is my FEAR of throwing up
YES major major fear...I mean like I probably need help I am so freaked out about puking fear!
{I have only ever thrown up twice..food poisoning once as a teenager and stomach flu a couple years back}
And who knows what kind of prego woman I am going to be...sick or not sick?
It gets me freaked out just thinking about morning sickness {gulp}
And I feel like I am still young {I'm 26}...that there isn't a huge rush since I only want one or two kids. That I need to squeeze in ONE MORE trip, one more vacation.....
I feel there is ALWAYS an excuse or reason to keep telling myself to wait "one more year"
My husband always tells me
"there will never be a PERFECT time"
{but maybe he says that because he's been wanting a baby for a few years now....}
I feel like it's a constant roller coaster of emotions.... when is the right time, will I ever be prepared enough, can I afford it, will I be a good mom, is it true what they say about pay back from when YOU were a child {lol}....
SO my questions to you are...
- How do you know when you are truly ready?
- when do you know it's the RIGHT time...if ever?
- how do you get over YOUR fears to bring a beautiful baby into this world?
{photo found via google images}
Thanks for letting me open up a bit to you all...I am open and ready for any and all advice ;)
*post edit - I have to update and say that I 100% know I want a baby and that I am not worried about being a good mom or loving my baby...it is just all that leads up to having the baby that I am worried about and finding the right time to get pregnant! some people were confused and thought I was scared of actually having a baby...I am not! I am more scared of being sick and all that goes along with pregnancy! Just to clear all that up :)
*post edit - I have to update and say that I 100% know I want a baby and that I am not worried about being a good mom or loving my baby...it is just all that leads up to having the baby that I am worried about and finding the right time to get pregnant! some people were confused and thought I was scared of actually having a baby...I am not! I am more scared of being sick and all that goes along with pregnancy! Just to clear all that up :)
For starters, there is never a right time. There never will be a right time. Secondly, there is never enough money or a big enough house. If I waited to have either of those things, I would never have kids. :) Now we have 3 kids and I am only 27. We rent our house and don't make a lot of money but we are happy. Stressed usually, but happy. We are also in school full time (yes we did it backwards) but we manage. Kids are truly a blessing! They are wonderful and scary and sweet and irritating and cute and messy and fun and worth it. Every morning filed with puke and tears was worth it. Every sleep deprived night was worth it. You learn how to be a good mom. You learn how to do everything right. I still fear that I am not doing it right so I take each day at a time.
ReplyDeleteYou can do it Brittany!! You are going to be great at it!
I agree, there is never a right time. You are never ready. Because no matter how many nieces and nephews you have or how many times you babysat as a kid, you have never had your own kid. But every parent has been there! You just make it happen and learn as you go. Unfortunately there isn't a handbook, because I seriously could use one! They are the biggest blessing though!
ReplyDeleteaw lady... there is NEVER a right time. Ever. There will ALWAYS be a reason to "wait another year".
ReplyDeleteAs for the fears of bringing a baby in to this world... trust in yourself - and have faith. As a mother {any mother} will tell you... the moment you hold you baby - EVERY fear you have goes away. Of course, there are parenting fears {sigh....} but its SO worth every moment.
You learn something everyday - fail at something everyday - and become a better version of yourself.
Motherhood is an amazing thing :)
Hi Brittany,
ReplyDeleteWell, your husband is right...there is no perfect time. There will always be another "before we have kids" thing that comes up.
You can take trips with kids. We have taken both of our kids camping, to Maui, hiking, boating, etc. You just have to take alot more crap with you:)
As for the fear thing, that is totally normal. I was just as scared with my second as I was with my first, and I am the oldest of 14 kids! I saw so many pregnancies and have taken care of so many babies and yet I was scared of all the things you are.
All that said, you have to do what is right for you and your husband. Maybe it would be easier for you to not start "trying", but instead just stop preventing and let nature decide when it is right for you.
There are programs for uninsured mothers. Access for Infants and Mothers is a California program where you pay a flat fee and everything is covered for the pregnancy.
I hope this helps!
I'm with Johnse on this one, there will never be a perfect time. We had JUST moved back down here, were living with my parents (awkward!) Brian had been at his job for all of 3 weeks, and we signed a 1 year lease on our tiny 1 bedroom apartment the MORNING we found out. Timing was sooooo not perfect, but LJ is ;)
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty much unanimous. There will never be a perfect or right time. Your life doesn't end because you have kids. We take our kids everywhere with us and we always have a blast! We are headed to the beach in two weeks with our 2 year old.
ReplyDeleteDon't be freaked out about throwing up. I only threw up once with my son. Everyone is different though, but the doctors do have all kinds of things to help you with the vomiting and nausea.
Go for it girl! You will make a great mom!
After reading your thoughts, it kinda sounds like you know in your heart what you want...it sounds like if things were "perfect" you'd have one. Well, my dear, things are perfectly imperfect. You and your family will learn and grow together in a wonderful life. You are on your way! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI am in the same boat as you. 26, and just waiting for the right time. All of our friends have children. We are the only ones that don't. And we keep waiting. We have a time frame for when we are going to stop preventing and then let nature decide, so it isn't up to us, and we can continue the life we have until that point. Just because we have will have kids one day doesn't me WE have to give up our freedom. That's what Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles are for... hello vacation for us! :) Good Luck, and I can't help you with the "sick" part. I am afraid of that too, but you have to think something is growing inside you, so your body is going to be a little off. Best Wishes, I am going to be reading the comments too, cause I ask the same things. :)
ReplyDelete* How do you know when you are truly ready? No on is ever truly ready. But you have 9 months to mentally prepare yourself. Hospitals have tons of classes for you to take to help prepare:) I joined a group on babycenter.com that had other women due the same month and year as me:) Helped TONS!
ReplyDelete* when do you know it's the RIGHT time...if ever? -Babies are loud, messy, inconvenient, wonderful, amazing, lovable. There is never a right time
* how do you get over YOUR fears to bring a beautiful baby into this world? -I never had fears per say but I read lots to help prepare.....Don't feel bad for having fears. You aren't the first and you won't be the last:) Go for it! You won't regret it! The love you will feel for your child will not compare to ANYTHING in the world!
I am 25 yrs old and have a two yr old and a 3month old. Is everyday fun? No. Am I sleep deprived the majority of the time? Yes. Would I trade it for a life with no kids? Never!
To answer your questions:
ReplyDelete1-You don't
2-You don't
3-You don't
You throw caution to the wind and see what surprises come your way. And then you deal with them. Anything can be dealt with...sickness, car size, renting vs. owning...it all doesn't matter. You can always work towards those goals. And its surprisingly fun to travel with child(ren). Different, yet fun. Or without. We get out and travel every once in awhile without the kids. Its important to our relationship.
But the insurance. That's likely important. I'd buy a policy before you got pregnant. Because you never know what will happen. I am so thankful that we didn't pay a dime, but I did see what the insurance paid for my 5 week hospital bed rest stay and my twins 42 day NICU stay. And we'd be living in a box if we had to pay some of that.
But the rest? That's all trivial.
And Zofran is awesome, btw.
I dont know if i've ever commented.. But since I'm right there with ya on the prego thing, I thought I would share.
ReplyDeleteI have one daughter.. and we want one more.. and every single day I toss and turn over when... how we will manage, financially is it a good time, do I wait till summer? .. I beleive it is somewhat in God's hands, but I do know that I got preggo super fast... and it was kind of planned.. I loved being pregnant.. it is so magical! If you do decide to have a little one it will change your life in so many ways, but the bottom line is - you will have this adorable baby who you will love and protect and hold and kiss all day long... and those other fears.. just like the ones Im stressing about ... they take a back seat to the miracle that you created! Its a personal choice, but I thought I'd share how a super quick trying effort turned into IM PREGNANT! really really fast.. Good luck with your decision!
Hi Brittany!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a personal decision that I truly believe you have to go on your own emotions and listen to them. When it comes down to it, only you can decide what is best for you.
There are only about 5 other women in the world with my chronic disease who have been able to have children and 2 of them passed away shortly after. Needless to say my pregnancy was beyond stressful! The fear was there but I was determined to be stronger than it. I was incredibly scared that I wouldn't get to meet my daughter, either due to my own passing, or my health interfering with her own life. You just have to push forward and realize the bliss is so much brighter than the worry.
Sorry for the novel!
xoxo.
You are too cute!
ReplyDeleteI can't give you advice on when the right time is, because both My babys were unplanned..so in my eyes there is no right time but when it happens, when you don't have insurance or a house or any of that Like it did to me.
you make it work and you do fear it for the first months of pregnancy but by the 9th month your ready..and you make it work, took my husband and I three years to pay off our first baby but you can do that... just pay in small amounts each month till there payed off.
so My advice is there is no "Right" time..you just make it work.
Having a baby is the most Beautiful thing you could do and you won't actually know what Im talking about until it happens.
good luck chica!
I love this post :)
ReplyDeleteI think you know you're ready when you just can't wait to hold your own little baby in your arms. Is it a lot of hard work? YES! But isn't everything worth having, worth working for? I think so. I was really scared of puking too...and I didn't. I'm a big believer that God won't give you more than you can handle. If he puts you in a situation, then he is going to give you the tool/resources/people you need to get through the situation. He never leaves you hanging. Plus, you have the bounus of having older children in your home (read bulit in helpers). Kids get excited about babies and the more in the loop you keep them, the more a part of your pregnancy they will feel. I was terrified of having a C-section. My husband and I were actually planning on having a natural (drug free) birth in the hospital using the Bradley Method. Well, at 38 weeks I was pre-eclamptic and they had to deliver my little bundle. I had no choice...I was only dialated to a 1 (you have a baby at 10). I didn't get my natural birth, but because we had prepared using the Bradley Method, I was able to relax myself and calm my emotions. Was I nervous? OF COURSE! But I was prepared. It all worked out.
Being a mom has taught me more about myself than I ever would have learned otherwise. I'm stronger, wiser and more confident. Go with your gut on this one :)
Your husband is right..there is NEVER a perfect time.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you about me. I had my life MAPPED out. I said I would graduate college when I was 23. I would have done a semester abroad and traveled and found my perfect job! I thought I MIGHT get married but I would be AT LEAST 25! And I did NOT grow up wanting to be a Mom. When I did get engaged I thought kids would be a nice addition to make a family..but NO MORE than 4!!
Well, I got married at 22 and just 3 months later we found out we were pregnant...and it was twins. I am now 26 with 5 kids ages 3 and under (2 sets of twins 10 months apart), and NOT a college graduate because every time I was signed up for school I found out I was pregnant.
I was actually angry that I got pregnant when I did. I had a lot of emotions going through me. I often asked, why me, why now, why this way? And I just recently..VERY RECENTLY (like in the past 6 weeks!) came to terms with my life and realized these blessings! I look back and I know without a doubt that there NEVER would have been a right time, a perfect time to DECIDE to have a baby. Had I done everything I wanted to and LANDED my DREAM job, I can say with full conviction that I NEVER would have WANTED to stop working, get pregnant, and be a stay-at-home mom. It's just not me..not something I ever DREAMED of! If these surprises hadn't happened I never would have WANTED to STOP working and get pregnant. As it is now, I am going back to school in August and by the time I finish my kids will be starting school. I will be able to work while they are in school and still be around for them. I know, without a doubt, things were supposed to happen this way or they never would have happened.
You sound like me..QUITE a bit! And I think if you have these fears you will ALWAYS have these fears. They will never completely subside. Your husband sounds like a nice guy who will be there for you when those fears creep up and he can help you through them..just as mine did. They are always there..trust me! But there are days..quite a lot of days..where the joy and excitement outweigh the fear. It sounds like you really WANT this child of YOURS..so you're going to have to just suck it up and JUST DO IT! :)
If it's what you want but you are scared, nervous, etc., that will always be there..and can you honestly look into your future and say..hey..I can actually SEE myself accomplishing everything and DECIDE it's the right time to have a baby? IF you honestly can, then wait, but if you can't (and I think MOST..if not ALL..women will be in this option), then let your heart take over and let it happen. There will always be a new craft to learn, one more trip to take...
everyone else is probably saying the same, but there will never be a perfect time to have a baby. Even if you have all of that something else will come up, like we are now pregnant and lost insurance, or a job change, or whatever. It's best to go with your gut. You can't prepare for motherhood so you just pray to do your best.
ReplyDeleteThrowing up. Friend, I feel ya. I have anxiety about throwing up now. I have Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I throw up a lot, as in live in the hospital weigh 81 lbs almost lose a baby. I would love to be able to have more children, but losing my life is too big a risk. Being sick is the worst. No sugar coating. I cried every darn day. But is my tiny little Claire worth it. More than I could have guessed.
Review:
ReplyDelete1)You both want a child
2)...for what reasons?
3)There is NO Promise of getting a child here will be easy.
4)There is NO Promise raising a child will be easy...it can be an inconvenience!! Life will NEVER be the same!!!
That being said:
1) There is NOTHING like inviting a child into your lives and home.
2) I LOVED every stage each child went through...not that I didn't need a break!! :)
3) I LOVED watching their minds work and seeing their personalities being revealed.
4) Children have a way of putting things that really matter into perspective.
5) Really pray about what is best for your lives. Remember God is a partner in all of this.
Good Luck!! Hugs to you.
I'm no momma yet...not for a long long time but I have to tell you that I could not relate any better about the throwing up thing. It is like my biggest FEAR ever!! I'm so glad to find someone who can relate with me. I'm so glad you opened up though...I love when you keep it real and open up! I LOVE following your blog!!
ReplyDeleteps, there are options for no insurance. 3 of my girlfriends have all done it and i can get you info if you need it.
ReplyDeleteI agree that there is never a right time or enough money and will always be an excuse from the human side. BUT God has a right time. Pray and talk about this together as a couple. Yes, things will be different with a baby but that doesn't mean anything but different. Nothing is promised so enjoy the moment.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I love my nephew to pieces and know the one on the way (another nephew) is going to be my pride and joys! I really don't want kids of my own. But when it happens for you, it will be the right moment and time (even if you may not think it). I have a HUGE fear too. Doctors and NEEDLES. Like yes I need help about it. It is such a huge fear, I can't have people talking about needles / blood draws, etc. It makes me light headed & sick. And I don't think you are too young... I think you just have to be ready and do things you really want to do now before that day.
ReplyDeleteHey Britney! I have not commented in a LONG time. I have to disagree with a lot of people leaving comments probably.... sorry... ha! Before I had my son I kept telling people we are not ready... and so on. And people always told me you will never be ready. In a way you are not ready. No one can really no what it is like to have a baby until you have one. That part I was not ready for. (i.e. nursing, less sleep for a season, taking care of someone else....)
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I was SOOO worried about was finances. I kept telling people when we get out of debt we will have one. They constantly said, "you won't be ready..." well guess what? we got out of debt and I got pregnant! ha! I guess everyone is different.
and the throwing up thing... It is all worth it after the little one get here.... PROMISE!
i am gonna give you what seems like a way too easy and simple answer but it is from the heart and it is spoken in truth.There is never a pefect time if you keep waiting something will derail your plans and you could miss out on one of the best blessings in life.I honestly believe your anxieties will calm when you get pregnant and you will feel as if it is all worth it.I will be praying for you:)
ReplyDeleteoh Brittany. thanks so much for sharing your heart with us. And to be honest. there is not a perfect time.well at least not one we can chose. God has his perfect timing and if you give your request to him he will make it happen in His timing. And give your fears to him also. he can make you have peace and feel calm. thanks again for shirng. praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI am loving your honesty girl! Ill be the first one to tell you, WAIT till you are ready. Motherhood is A LOT of work but the best gift in the world!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to beat a dead horse here but everyone is soooo right. There is NEVER a perfect time. I am a planner so, we stuck to the "plan." Start trying two years after we got married. But, I will tell you. It is hard. I wish I could have met my husband when we were really young and had kids really young. I just turned 29 and I thought it would be easier having a baby a little older (more patience, more wisdom, more money) but I truly think it is harder. I was more set in my ways. I was used to "my" time. It was an adjustment but now one year later I can say it was the BEST decision I ever made. I have my moments but I am so thankful I have a baby. So, I say go for it! God never gives you more than you can handle and you will be a better person for it. Praying for peace and clarity in this BIG decision!
ReplyDeleteYour husband is right, but you are so not alone. I was a disaster when I first got pregnant. Although we had been trying and I knew I wanted one, I still felt completely scared! I took 6 different pregnancy tests when I found out because I couldn't believe it was really about to happen. The entire 9 months was insanity for me. I was obsessed with the thought of having a baby, but when that day finally came... nothing else mattered. I just loved my son and knew I was right where I wanted to be.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I am gonna go out on a limb here and disagree with the majority of the comments I just read through. I would say the opposite: I think now sounds like the perfect time for you. #1 - you have an amazing husband who loves you to pieces. The majority of your worries are things that very well may not even happen in your situation. I have thrown up twice in my entire life (I am 53 ladies) and none of those times were when I was prego (I gave birth to 3 kiddos). I did not get morning sickness either. I loved being pregnant.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, please just relax and stop inviting the excuses into your psycy. You sound ready to me and it seems like there is no better time for you to begin the journey.
Trust me, there is never a right time, though you should have insurance, because if you don't....prepare to pay a ton of money! All the other stuff will come in its own time.
ReplyDeleteMy friend never threw up her entire pregnancy...I threw up everyday for nine months...you never know which you will be until it happens. Nothing you can do to change it, don't worry about it! I know, easier said than done. :)
How to know when you are ready? If you are thinking about it a lot, and then you get your period and you are disappointed...then you know you are ready! Don't think you have a lot of time either (not that you don't have time) but I had my first child at 27. Then got pregnant again when I was 29, but miscarried that baby right at the second trimester. Now I haven't been able to get pregnant again and I'm going on 31. I wish I had started earlier now. Like when I was 24.
Number one rule though...don't stress about it, once you start stressing, getting pregnant gets harder and harder! Just leave it in God's hands and it will happen when it should happen.
Good Luck! I promise a child will change you world, all in the positive direction!
I know your exact feelings!! We were surprised with our daughter and thought we weren't prepared! She is 8 months old now and our life is just perfect! i just found out that I am pregnant again!! I am terrified, but I know it will all work out!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not the only one who had these feelings before getting pregnant! I was also at a point where I wasn't sure when I wanted a baby. So we decided to stop taking the birth control and whatever happened happened. And boy, did something happen fast! I got pregnant immediately. We were like, "Well, that solves our problem!"
ReplyDeleteI agree with the insurance thing. The only thing I would say is a reason to not have a baby right away is if you don't have insurance. Our little guy was in the nicu for 9 days and I can't imagine how much that would have cost if we didn't have the insurance.
You're right, puking is not fun at all. I felt the same way you did and I was totally terrified of that part. Sadly I just got used to it. But it honestly wasn't that bad. It was never like having the stomach flu or anything. It was just a little bit of stuff. Too much info, sorry! And it was also right in the morning and then I was done. I started the sickness part when I was 6 weeks and I was done by week 15.
To be totally honest, I was a nervous wreck the first part of my pregnancy. But every doctors appointment I was reassured and everything was fine. Take that pregnant time to start getting stuff for the baby (crib, stroller, carrier, other bedroom stuff...) and totally have fun with it! I loved getting ready for a baby more than getting ready for my wedding ha ha. It is so much fun! I'm really excited for this new adventure in your life that you're about to start. It will be great and you will be too! :)
Hi there- sort-a a new follower but this post grabbed me cause I once felt JUST like you. We got married young and I held off for a while to sort of prove to everyone that wasn't the purpose of our marriage. {haters...lol}
ReplyDeleteI thought we didn't have enough money, that we weren't ready, that I wasn't ready...
I was SCARED.
At some point I said fate was in charge and sort of stopped thinking about it.
The year I turned 23 I discovered I was pregnant. I am not going to lie. I was scared I thought I was too young (even though I had been married almost 5 years)
and S.I.C.K. yuck. I wanted OFF THAT ROLLERCOASTER!!!
After the first few months I started to feel better and started to get excited (I was still scared) I had my baby boy and it is a moment that takes your breath. That changes your life. That changes you forever. But it was the BEST thing I ever did. I am not going to lie, it is HARD. I shook for an entire month after I had him for fear of messing up. I still feel scared, that I am making wrong choices that I am not the best. But I've had 2 more since then and I am young enough to run through the park, play on the slide, roll in the grass and SOAK THEM UP. There have been moments that I thought I might kill them. That I am completely overwhelmed. But I love them to bits and you know what. It wasn't really MY plan exactly. It was fates, gods or what ever you believe. Everything will work out in the end. Just let go and trust it.
i have babies, so i can't offer advice, but i wanted to say that i feel exactly the same way and thank you for being brave and putting it out there! i'm sure that when the time comes, you will be an awesome momma to a perfect new baby!
ReplyDeleteOops...so sorry, I meant I "dont" have babies!
ReplyDeletei think it's good to feel more prepared, but honestly most pregnancies just happen, life happens when you're making other plans type of thing hahaha! None of our pregnancies were really planned, but i know i had a lot of fears to begin with, but your husband is right. there's never a "perfect" time. who knows, maybe you'll breeze through your pregnancy! i never threw up, i WISH i would've i just felt like i was going to all the time, hahhaa! and honestly it's all worth it once the baby is here, i guess you just have to ask yourself if a little discomfort is worth it to you. Alot of people i never had kids or they are in mixed families with step children or what have you and lead very fulfilling and lives. So really if you want one, i say have one! it's easier on you mentally and physically when ur a bit younger, my pregnancies got harder on my body the older i got, so time IS on ur side and so is your youth, so why not grab it by the horns and be an extraordinary mother to one more beautiful child!! YOU can do it!!
ReplyDeleteyou're awesome, i bet you wouldn't have the business, blog, or success you have today if you let fears stand in your way, and having a child will be your greatest accomplishment! Love ya!
hillary
I don't have a baby yet, but the way you are feeling, is the way my husband is feeling. Haha. I want a baby so bad, but he is not ready yet. He is worried we wont be able to provide. But- I do know that things ALWAYS work out the way they are supposed to. You will never have enough money and the time will never be the right time- but if it's meant to happen, it will. And everything will work out. Honestly I am not sure of your religion, but praying about it with your spouse could give you some sort of guidance. You will probably be a fab mother. You have nothing to worry about. :)
ReplyDeleteThe time will be right when it happens. When you open up to God and let it in. When you feel the love that is within you, then it's the right time. Don't decide, just believe.
ReplyDeleteI think this is such a personal decision, that only you and your husband will know, or maybe a better word is "feel" when the time is right. I agree with your husband though that there will never be a "perfect" time... When you're actually holding that new perfect bundle in your arms is when it will feel "perfect" but probably not before then... I'm kinda in your same boat right now, I have 3 kids and they're all really close together, but I just knew with each of them that the time was right. My husband wants to have another one, he has for awhile now, and I am 100% not ready!! I just don't "feel" it yet. I think as women we're blessed with a nurturing, and mothering character, and it helps us to have the desire to have children. Just wait til that desire becoms so strong, that there's no denying the time is right! Sorry for my rambling, hope it helps!!
ReplyDeleteGood job for opening up, you're awesome!
There will NEVER be a perfect/right time for kids,NEVER!!! I have 4 and to be honest I didn't feel the timing right for any of them. I think you maybe over thinking and worrying to much dont stress over it if it;s gonna happen it will. We still dont have insurance, our house is to small (only a 2 bedroom) my car is big enough (van) we do have a savings but it would be nice to have college funds and more money set aside. But you deal with what happens, and you dont worry about it. You just trust that God knows what he is doing even if you seriously doubt his sanity some days.
ReplyDeleteThere will NEVER be a perfect/right time for kids,NEVER!!! I have 4 and to be honest I didn't feel the timing right for any of them. I think you maybe over thinking and worrying to much dont stress over it if it;s gonna happen it will. We still dont have insurance, our house is to small (only a 2 bedroom) my car is big enough (van) we do have a savings but it would be nice to have college funds and more money set aside. But you deal with what happens, and you dont worry about it. You just trust that God knows what he is doing even if you seriously doubt his sanity some days.
ReplyDeleteOnly you can figure out when YOU are ready. AND Once you figure out you are ready.... Let me know and I will bring you a box of Chocolate Dipped Strawberries! :)
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!!!!
As someone who got pregnant and had a baby at possibly the least opportune time (my hubby was deploying to Afghanistan), and now spends every day thanking God for overriding our plans, I can tell you that there never is a right time.
ReplyDeleteSure there are a few things you will want to have arrange before hand (i.e. funds to cover the extra costs a baby brings with it), but most of it just works out on its own.
I wasn't someone who was sick (at all) while pregnant, so I have no advice for how to prepare yourself for that experience, but if there's anything in you RIGHT NOW that wants to have a baby, I say do it. They bring meaning to everything you do in your life, even if it shakes things up at the same time. You might not be able to have the same vacations (at least for the first few years) or live in exactly the same way, but you will be sharing the world with a little person, and it makes the things you do every day and the world we live in a MUCH more passion filled place.
Our little girl is now approaching 8 months and I am already missing those first moments, days, months we had with her. It's all a blessing.
If everyone waited for the right time to have a baby NO ONE would have kids. There is always going to be something more to do before you devote yourself to being a parent. But remember, pregnancy is 10 months long. So even when you get pregnant you'll still have alot of time to get things in order.
ReplyDeleteWell, I can tell you from experience that your junior year of hs is NOT the right time:) I am 26 too, our savings is pathetic, we have one car and it's a Scion (ie-clown car) and we are happy. None of that stuff matters. And when you're ready to have a baby you'll realize that that's not the stuff you're thinking about anymore. When you think about having a baby and you realize you're not thinking about any of that stuff, that's when you'll realize it's time!! I can't wait until you get there! You will make some adorable babies!
ReplyDeleteI have to agree there is never a "right time". If the two of you want children then go for it. I don't think anyone ever has enough money saved up to have a child but you make things work. Being a mother is a wonderful joy that words can't explain. I am by no means saying that it is easy, being a mom is a very tough, full time job, however worth every second. As a mother I make mistakes but I always try to learn from them, I only want the best for my daughter and hope that all her dreams come true. I think you know the answer deep within your heart you just need to listen to it and go with it!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Kelli @ loveoursimplelife.blogspot.com
Wow at all the advice! :) I'm 28, almost 29, and I am due in less than 4 weeks with my first. I was never scared of the stuff once he/she (he, in this case) arrived--I was always, always scared of the pregnancy and delivery aspect...in addition to finances and what not.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of being financially ready, is anyone ever, really, truly? Maybe...but rarely. And you'll be amazed at the overwhelming amount of support you'll receive from family, friends, and other moms! It's amazed me for sure!
As for the things that come along with pregnancy--I don't have any horror stories (and if I did, I wouldn't share, 'cause that's just gonna scare you lol)--but I'll admit, it's not for sissies :) But with each little pain or gag or sudden aversion to a smell you once loved, comes a kick or a hiccup in your belly and it's amazing to see and feel!
Good luck to you, whatever you decide, and keep us all posted :)
Honestly, I didn't read all the previous posts, so I'm sure you've heard this, but just in case...
ReplyDeleteLike your husband and other commenters have said, there is a never a perfect time and you never really, truly feel ready. Even when I said I was ready, there were still all sorts of fears and doubts. With my first pregnancy, we didn't plan it and then I had a threatened miscarriage (meaning I was spotting) for about a week and we just had to wait and see if I would stay pregnant. It was that week that I knew i wanted to be a mom more than anything. I had always wanted to be a mom. I determined that week that if I lost the baby, I didn't want to wait for 2-3 more years like we had originally planned. I didn't want to let my fears of pregnancy/raising a kid etc. stop me from ever being a mom (say from infertility problems that often come from being older, especially in light that I was thinking I may lose the one I had). Thankfully, I didn't lose her and I had my first baby at 25 and the second at 27. Was it the right time to start a family? No, but also yes. We were broke (though now when we look at it we think we were rich back then!), we had a house, but it needed (still needs!) major work. We had a 2 door sports car (but we managed until the second was born and then were gifted a 4 door). Things work out and you make adjustments to make things work. Our kids have been the best thing to be added to our lives.
As for fears. I think I feared delivery the most. I didn't really have throwing up fears (I threw up once with each kid due to taking my prenatal vitamin on an empty stomach), more fears of being unable to function due to sickness. So I made lists of how to "fix" the problems (meals in the freezer and doing things ahead of time before the sickness weeks set in). I feared labour and delivery, so I ditched the books (reading them made me more fearful) and talked to women who were of the attitude that as much as labour isn't a walk in the park, it's doable and your body is made to have babies. It knows what to do and you'll be fine. And you know what? I was. Being a mom is hard, no doubt, but it's the best thing that has happened to me. It has made me a better person. I say have kids young and travel later (when they're older and can come too or stay with Grandma!).
For me, I believe that having children is one of the most important and spiritual decisions you can make. Nathan and I were married the summer of 2006 and would sincerely pray, "When should we have children?" We were confused that Heavenly Father would respond, "Not now." Starting last December 2010, I began to really YEARN for my children, even though we weren't trying to conceive yet. I could envision my children in my mind. I knew that they were in Heaven, waiting for me. We continued to pray, and we received the answer, "Not now, but soon." After much praying and talking this summer, we decided we would start trying to get pregnant in September, with the hope that we would get pregnant sometime between September-December. Well, I ended up getting pregnant in August! I think Heavenly Father knew we were ready and knew our baby was ready, too. I'm so glad HE intervened and we got pregnant when we did. Being pregnant has been such an amazing experience...I can't believe I only have 5 weeks left till I get to meet my baby boy! Brittany, you are already such a wonderful mother to your 3 stepsons...I think having a baby of your own will enrich your life even more.
ReplyDeleteWow! You're actually going through the exact same thing that I am going through. I am also 26 and don't know when I should start trying for a child. I really want to and I have had baby on the brain for the past couple of years it's getting worse as I get older. Also it doesn't help that I see all my friends having or already have kids. My parents are also an added pressure because they really want grandchildren. I too always say maybe in a year or 2 but I don't know if I'll be ready then. We are a lot alike I also have a phobia of throwing up and don't know how I will handle it. I have only thrown up 3 times in my life and each time I ended up crying afterwards. My mom thinks I'm just being silly.
ReplyDeleteI keep saying that we're waiting till we have enough money, another car, and I want to go on more trips. Sometimes I wonder if that is just me being selfish. I really like the way it is right now but I also really want a baby but are worried about the changes that will come with one. I'm kind of torn on this issue.
I really don't think there is a right time even though in my mind I keep saying we'll be where we need to be in a year. I've been praying about this a lot lately and I'm hoping eventually this will work itself out. I just hope it's before I get too old because that's what I feel like right now....like I'm on limited time. I know these thoughts are irrational but they are my irrational thoughts. So I totally sympathize with you and am suprised there is someone else out there who has the exact same fears that I do. Doesn't make me feel so alone :)
about the puking.....seriously you get so used to it. puking day after day after day. it becomes part of your life, lol. seriously, it's like you go puke and like 1 min later your fine. it would be scary, though, if you have fears about it. but...some woman don't get sick at all! that could be you! blessings, blessings!
ReplyDeleteI would really love to help you with these questions, but I seriously am in the same boat. I want to have a baby soooo bad, but I'm only 24. Also, husbandless, and my bf is not interested in children.
ReplyDeleteI'm confident we'll both figure it out. I don't think there's harm in waiting a few more years though.
Kids are truly a blessing! It is one of the most important and spiritual decisions you can make. Good luck to you.
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